Lightbulb moments · Nottambulismo · Racconti

Lights

Lying in my new bed. I start thinking about our endless conversations about words’ meaning.
You remember? I use to tell you how amazed I was by the way English words play with you and your feelings.  And yes, I was always eager to learn more.
I had a good teacher, after all. You know your mother tongue very well.
Squeeze that little brain of yours a little bit more!
And the truth is revealed to you.
<<So… when you say this, you also mean that, right?>>
<<No, this doesn’t make any sense…>>,  you looked at me with that weird grin on your face.
<<Well it makes sense to me>>
<<Yeah, but you’re a woman. You over think. >>

That’s true. I constantly over think.
Lying in my bed. Awake.
Lying to myself.
Found myself stuck into thinking that “lying” was the only verb I was using to carry on with my life. Lying, motionless, into a world of lies. Lying: “I am fine with it”.
No, I wasn’t.  Sometimes love is not enough. And when it hits you, it does not fix every single piece of the puzzle of your life. Sometimes it makes it even more difficult to complete.
It’s like having 1000 pitch-black pieces to work on and suddenly a bright red one pops on the table.
You really want it to fit in; it’s bright and different, it’s new, it stands out. But you have to choose which, among the other pieces, you want to remove.
How could I make this step, forward, and backward,  at the same time?
I didn’t make it. I stood still. I lied, still.
Until I could not do it anymore.

Lying in my new bed, I open my eyes in the blinding light of the room. The sunshine outside my window is whispering something to me. “You did good”.
I set up the alarm clock very early this morning. I have a surf lesson to attend in an hour and a Spanish class right after that.
I don’t understand why you don’t like the sea.
But, honestly , I don’t even care anymore.
(Inspired by Ellie Goulding – “Lights”)

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